


To See With The Heart

by Akumeoi



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blindfolds, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluffy Ending, Game: Kingdom Hearts II, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, seeing through touch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-11-08 12:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20835341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akumeoi/pseuds/Akumeoi
Summary: During the events of KH2, Riku gets stuck looking like Ansem and fails to turn back into himself at the end of the story. Now trapped on the beach in the Dark Margin with Sora, Riku attempts to protect Sora from the darkness inside him. But Sora has his own goal: reconnect with Riku, and get his best friend back again, no matter what.





	To See With The Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KaiserinAstraia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiserinAstraia/gifts).

> Thank you so much to the wonderful @[TheFauxsynder](https://twitter.com/TheFauxsynder) who drew a gorgeous illustration for this fic! (Scroll down to see it embedded.) 
> 
> Comments always welcome!

“It is only with the heart that one can see properly. What is essential is invisible to the eye. || On ne voit bien qu’avec le coeur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.”  
–Antoine de St. Exupery

⁂

At the end of everything, Sora and Riku arrive on a darkened beach. Out of the fog arc massive, impossible black structures which twist and plunge in and out of the sea, like the fossilized trails of huge, invisible wraiths. The sun hangs low on the horizon, so dim and silvery that it could be mistaken for the moon; the sand, black and volcanic, reflects no light, though there is a shining trail over the surface of the silvery-grey water. 

It’s a place that seems to be made for Riku, his heart now darkened as it is – his body six feet tall, with grey hair down to his waist, and somebody else’s voice and face. Riku did not miraculously turn back into himself at the Castle That Never Was. How could he have? He has been filled with darkness for too long to just shrug it off like an old coat.

While Sora has walked down to the edge of the water, Riku stiffly hangs back, careful to keep a distance between them. They may have fought Xemnas together, but all this being looked at by Sora makes Riku nervous, knowing as well as he does that the eyes are the window to the heart. That’s why they change colour depending on how much darkness a person holds within themselves. That’s why wearing a blindfold effectively contained Riku’s latent darkness until he was ready to release it and assume Ansem’s form. 

Riku reasons that if blindfolding himself acted as a barrier to darkness, uninterrupted eye contact between a person full of darkness and a person full of light could be very dangerous for the person full of light, and he _will not_ have Sora corrupted with darkness just from looking at him. Tentatively, Riku approaches Sora and gives a little sniff, reassured to find that Sora still smells like pure, brilliant light, like Sora always has.

“Are you going to ignore me for as long as we’re stuck here?” Sora complains, without turning away from the ocean. 

“I’m not ignoring you,” Riku says, making sure his voice comes out higher, milder, his own pitch, not Ansem’s. As if he could possibly ignore Sora right now. Every sense he has is straining towards him. “I don’t want to risk tainting you with darkness. And... I don’t want you to see me like this.” He looks away as he speaks.

“Don’t worry about it, Riku,” Sora says calmly. “I think I already have a little darkness in me.”

“No!” Riku exclaims, sniffing again – what the _hell_ is Sora talking about – he still smells like pure light, thank goodness. Riku clenches his fists. “No, okay, I don’t care if you already have some, you’re not getting more from me. Don’t look at me, Sora.”

“Aww, Riku,” Sora pleads, half-turning. “But it’s been so long since...” 

Riku is already backing up out of Sora’s line of sight, as fast as his way-too-long legs will carry him. With a frustrated groan, Sora backs away from the water’s edge and plops down on the slightly damp, cool sand, propping his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. 

“So now what,” he mutters. Riku doesn’t answer, heart still beating far too fast. Gradually, the familiar sound of waves begins to calm him. He keeps his eyes fixed on Sora, who is now shifting sand through his fingers, uncharacteristically silent.

“Hey Riku,” Sora says, and Riku _hmmms_ in acknowledgement. “I have an idea. Can I rip your coat?”

“Huh?” Riku says, startled. “I guess?” Amazingly, the Organisation XIII coat Ansem’s form came preloaded with isn’t welded to his body. Riku is able to unzip it and hand it over to Sora, who reaches back for it without turning his head. Underneath, Riku is wearing tight black pants and a long-sleeved shirt which reveal too much of the shape of his body in all its wrongness. The light breeze seems to cut through him, but he just stares out to sea and clenches his jaw, refusing to bend his spine or curl in on himself.

The sound of fabric ripping pulls him back to Sora, who has torn two broad, ragged strips from the hem of the coat. Taking one, Sora holds the other out to Riku, who frowns in confusion even as he obediently takes the tattered fabric. 

“It’s a blindfold,” Sora explains, placing the fabric over his eyes, then winding it around his head several times and tying it in the back. “This is better now, right?” Sora challenges him, sounding pleased with himself. 

When Riku realises what Sora is doing, his whole body relaxes, and he is ashamed of the overpowering relief he feels. Sora will be safe from the darkness now, like Riku was in the time before he took Ansem’s form. Approaching Sora, Riku holds up a hand and wiggles his fingers in front of Sora’s face, but Sora doesn’t react at all.

“So…?” Sora pats the sand next to himself, a little too enthusiastically. Riku sits down beside him.

“Put yours on too, Riku,” Sora urges him. 

There’s no real reason for Riku to need a blindfold too. All the darkness that could’ve gotten into him has already gotten into him, and if Sora can’t see him, it can’t get out of him, either. But Riku does it anyway. With the blindfold on, all his other senses sharpen immediately. Riku can actually see through the fabric in a weird sort of way – he has blindsight, which is how he used to be able to fight blindfolded. If he concentrates he can sense light and shadow, but for now he just relaxes and lets it all be dark. 

“You can’t see anything, right?” Sora says.

Riku rolls his eyes behind the blindfold. “Can you?”

“No,” Sora says, still sounding pleased with himself. Riku’s lips curl into a smile. “Man... being on a beach really reminds me of the old play island,” Sora says.

“I guess,” Riku says uncertainly. Sora starts playing with the sand again – Riku can hear him moving it around.

“What are you doing?” Riku says, as Sora accidentally jabs him in the wrist. “Ow!”

Sora’s palm flattens over the back of Riku’s hand and Riku tenses, trying not to mind the contact. As far as he knows, darkness can’t be transferred through touch alone. And it’s been so long since he felt Sora’s hand against his own. After a little finagling, Sora manages to twine his calloused fingers with Riku’s.

“Do you remember when I used to get tired and nap and you thought I was asleep so you held my hand cuz you thought I wouldn’t know? This is just like back then, right?” Sora pauses, then says quietly, “I missed you so much, Riku.”

Riku does remember those times. Back when he hadn’t messed it all up, when he wasn’t unredeemed. 

“It’s cold and we’re not lying down,” Riku says pointedly. This _isn’t_ like back then.

“Imagine we’re on Destiny Islands and it’s cloudy,” Sora says, and Riku’s sure that Sora is concentrating on doing just that. “And I don’t want to lie down.”

Riku sighs unhappily, which seems to give Sora pause, but then he takes a deep breath and forges ahead in that horribly bright Sora way of his.

“I just want to see you, Riku. It doesn’t matter to me that you look like Ansem. With my eyes closed, I can picture you here beside me. And you _are_ here beside me, I just know that it’s you.”

“Thank you,” is all Riku manages to say. His tongue seems to be frozen. It really does matter that he looks like Ansem, but the fact that it doesn’t matter _to Sora_ makes him feel... confused.

“It’s nothing,” Sora says. “I just want to see you. It’s been a whole year, they told me so.”

There’s some kind of inflection in Sora’s voice that Riku doesn’t quite know how to read. He pauses. “Is there... something you want me to do?”

“Let me touch you,” Sora says, bluntly and without a hint of shame. “Your face. Then I’ll know what you look like now.”

Imagining what this might possibly entail, Riku reflexively tries to blush before remembering that Ansem’s face doesn’t do that kind of thing. Sora is going to be the death of Riku.

“You know what Ansem looks like already.”

“It’s not the same,” Sora says petulantly.

Riku relents. It’s a darkness-safe activity, and if it would make Sora happy... And it’s not like he expects that it will be _unpleasant_.

“Fine,” Riku says, giving a gusty sigh so Sora knows how much he’s imposing on him. 

“Are you sure?” Sora says. Maybe it’s Riku’s imagination, but Sora sounds a little insecure. Like hell is Riku letting him feel that way for long.

“It’s _fine_,” Riku says sternly, wincing at the touch of gravel that comes out on the stressed word, but Sora doesn’t comment on it.

Permission acquired, Sora lightly skims his fingers up Riku’s arm, using it as a guide to reach Riku’s face without flailing around on thin air.

“You’re still ticklish!” Sora exclaims in delight, passing Riku’s elbow, and then, “You’re so strong now, Riku,” Sora says admiringly as his hand passes over Riku’s bicep. His fingers reach Riku’s shoulder, then his neck. Riku swallows. Finally, Sora cups Riku’s (Ansem’s) jaw with one hand. Riku is completely tense. How did he get himself into this mess?

“Hmmm,” Sora says softly. Riku understands that Sora isn’t playing around anymore. “Feels like human skin to me,” Sora says. “Pretty soft. I don’t think you need to moisturise.”

Riku huffs out an involuntary and difficult laugh. Sora doesn’t move, his thumb stroking Riku’s jaw softly as Riku swallows. He tries really hard to take Sora’s advice. _Close your eyes. Pretend we’re on Destiny Islands. It’s just you and me. _

Picturing Sora in front of him, honest and open, bright blue eyes fixed intently on him, Riku tries to imagine himself boldly looking back into Sora’s eyes. In his mind, Riku still looks like himself, so the thought is almost... warm. Riku begins to involuntarily relax.

Carefully, so as not to poke Riku in the eye, Sora brings his other hand up and cups the other side of Riku’s face. He begins to move one hand up, exploring. His touch is brusque, but not without tenderness, and Riku tries not to lean into it. Sora finds Riku’s cheek, his cheekbone, his nose. His fingers move down until he’s touching Riku’s lips.

“Say something, Riku,” he giggles. 

“Your fingers are gross and sandy,” Riku says sarcastically. Sora giggles again.

“Mmm, crunchy.”

Riku snorts. Sora’s fingers come perilously close to dipping into his mouth, but don’t, thank goodness. They probably would taste like gross wet sand. It’s so weird that Sora’s hand is on his mouth that Riku thinks he’s probably hallucinating, but he’s never going to forget this moment for as long as he lives.

Sora’s fingers move up and find the blindfold. He passes over it, feels Riku’s forehead, his ears, then strokes Riku’s hair, his touch growing gentle. Riku swallows and breathes in through his nose.

“Your hair’s soft,” Sora observes. “Feels almost the same as before. I guess you don’t skimp on the conditioner.” He finds the two wings of hair on either side of Riku’s face and tugs them gently. “You have little hair thingies,” he says. A fine thing for someone whose hair is made up of spikes to say. That little joke and the gentle tug make Riku’s breath catch in his throat. 

But then he remembers: those hair wings don’t belong to him. They belong to Ansem. A knot forms in Riku’s throat, even as Sora returns to cupping Riku’s face with both warm hands. Sora’s thumbs move softly up and down the sides of Riku’s cheeks. Sora is touching Riku’s (Ansem’s) face like it’s the most precious thing he’s ever held.

“So this is what you look like now,” Sora says softly. 

Riku swallows, feeling on the verge of tears. Two feelings war within him - the self-hatred that he’s carried for so long, and the desire to just melt into Sora’s touch and accept it. To believe that he really doesn’t have to give Sora up because of one ancient, terrible mistake. Oh, how he wants to believe that. 

“It’s okay with me if you look like this forever,” Sora says. “I was so scared I’d never see you again. I’ll wear this blindfold for the rest of my life. I’ll learn to fight blindfolded like you did. Just –” and his voice breaks, “– don’t leave again.”

Riku chokes back a sob. There’s light behind his eyes. Roughly, without having to guess where Sora is, he grabs Sora and hugs him, tears leaking from behind his eyelids and dampening the blindfold. Sora throws his arms around Riku in return, and his heart beats against Riku’s chest, his body so close and warm and real. 

“Please Riku,” Sora whispers, “I need you to be my friend.”

Even to Riku’s blind, unworthy eyes, Sora is basically radiant, shedding light in all directions as Riku helplessly holds him. Whiteness explodes in Riku’s vision as his heart explodes into a kaleidoscope of joy. _It’s Sora! Sora’s here!_

Senseless, he topples backward into the sand, still clutching Sora in his arms. 

“Riku? Riku?” Sora says worriedly. 

“Sora, I’m here,” Riku chokes out. It takes him a moment to come to his senses, but when he does, he scrambles away from Sora and rips the blindfold from his own face.

And sees: his hands. No longer the large, square hands of an adult man. Riku’s own pale skin, spotted with familiar scars and freckles. He looks further up his arm and it continues. He’s wearing his old off-white vest with the yellow collar. Grabbing a strand of his own hair, he sees silver, not grey. His breath hitches in his throat.

“Riku?” Sora says again, his hands flailing blindly until he’s slapped Riku in the nose and then grabbed ahold of Riku’s shoulders. 

“I’m here,” Riku says again, rubbing his nose with one hand and gazing at Sora’s blindfolded face. To his surprise, there are tear-trails glistening down Sora’s cheeks – Sora must have been crying this whole time.

Sora’s hands still. Riku wonders if Sora realises what’s happened, until Sora grabs hold of a hank of Riku’s hair.

“Riku, your hair’s shorter,” he says. 

“You should take your blindfold off,” Riku says, with a small smirk.

But Sora doesn’t even bother.

“Riku! You look like you again!” Throwing himself on Riku, Sora tries to kiss him blindfolded and clumsily bumps their lips together. It’s more painful than anything, but Riku’s heart just about beats out of his chest – and here he was, thinking this day couldn’t get any more surprising. Oh, of all the things Riku never expected and never dared hope for – does this mean the same thing to Sora as it does to Riku? Does Sora even know what he’s doing? 

“Take off your blindfold, you idiot,” Riku says, hands scrabbling at the tight knots Sora made at the back of his head.

The black fabric falls away. Blue eyes meet aqua ones, and Sora’s eyes spill over again. Riku is still blinking back tears himself. Sora has tricked him into being seen, and brought him back from the very heart of darkness. Or maybe he let Sora bring him, but still. 

“Riku, Riku,” is all Sora can say. His hands come up to cup Riku’s cheeks again. And this time, Riku is the one to kiss him. 

Above the ocean before them, a door opens in the sky and light ripples across the water. Light that Riku doesn’t need, as long as he’s with Sora.


End file.
